The Road To 100


(PT. 1)


“@iLL__WiLLL: Wooooo! *Follows* RT @DreSmithJr: @iLL__WiLLL ummm @msveeem @ethiopianna @Sandi_El @SaiSoFly @ciandramonique all dope follows man.”

~ Ill Will

If there is any just god “The Road to 100” will one day be immortalized by a series of films documenting the perilous journey to achieve the ‘Holy Grail’ of timelines.100 follows consisting of the most beautiful, interesting, and available ( no fucks were available to be given at this time whether, or not they’re single ) women. I didn’t do the Ray Charles on that follow button to have my DM thirst immediately met with tales of fidelity. So women, if you have love in your life, babies in your uterus, OR living room.. Now is when you should rub that Magic Galaxy Foam until Jaheim’s blue suit appears, and wish yourselves the fuck out of here. This was really destined to go down in history as a cold young Heroes plight to rescue the damsels of twitter one DM at a time. The beautiful childless ones.

So began “The Road to 100”

- First came the rinsing of the timeline -

I had rummaged through some of my followers follows, and became confident the chronicles of struggle ran deep within them. This was a pain I’d known all too well. Sometimes, within the confines of the Beautiful Woman Kingdom that my TL has come to be, even I still feel at risk. Knowing any moment a retweet could force me to evade attack from premature baby breathing Dragons discussing their plans to microwave dinner. Luckily, under the tutelage of Ill Will, I’ve mastered the art of blocking, and how to wield the spam report sword. My last step was banishing any of these Wizards that were using the dark arts to conjure up 76 descriptive characters on Nike Foamposites. Once a beautiful Princess gracefully imported the word “Balenciaga” onto my timeline… I knew I had to do better.

-The Halls Walls-

The time came to redecorate the Palace, and replace the women twit pic’ing proof their stretch marks read “Hot Boyz” with beautiful women eating shrimp tempura. Through many years in the field, I’ve found the best place to start in the search for beautiful women is with other beautiful women. This isn’t exactly fool proof tho… there will be times girls will suggest a list of follows so struggle that you know they themselves must have angled their way onto your TL. In my own story however, with perseverance, I eventually reached the promise land known as @MissEstilo. Now the name Betsy Garcia appears over a girls @ name, and I know with that cosign she is indeed bad as fuck. Now I’m steadily climbing the mountain to 100 beautiful follows, and my timeline is full of beautiful women celebrating each others new Instagram pics… and dog… Neya is the truth.

-Treat every woman like a princess, but never follow your Queen-

You know how many girls I got on this timeline that look like Jasmine, but never had an Aladdin? My timeline is filled with magic carpet ride’s waiting to happen. Far Far Away from the lands where powerful dykes with Officially Ice re-tweet tattoo’s roam, anticipating the day they can recklessly charge into a Princess’s mentions. I don’t need my days interrupted with words like “ratchet“. I’ve fanuted my timeline into a place beautiful women are free to coexist without being exposed to these brands of stress.

-Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day-

Be careful how far, and how fast you take this adventure. Enjoy the safety that 140 character limits provide. That leap to texts can be full of peril. I’ve seen poisonous green clouds pass through the land of text reducing Kingdoms to Dungeons. If shorty can’t iMessage you in Jay Z blue, she isn’t truly royal. A real Queen knows exactly how to go in your phone and activate your read receipts. Also, always be aware what time zone the beautiful lady your talking to is in. A DM’s original meaning can take on a whole new life in that 3 hour time difference… don’t ask me shit bro.. just know that.

-End of The Road-

Well, that conclude’s this chapter on “The Road to 100“, but one day I shall return with the sequel to this legendary saga when I conquer women 50-100. Really this was the funnest / dopest idea. Well… this, and the poke’ ball. That was genius. Women on twitter looking at poke’ balls like wedding rings these days, and all my childhood dreams are manifesting themselves into reality.

I’m out tho. I’ve got mad important shit I gotta do like figure out why I decided to write my blog while listening to the Scott Mescudi album.