Fly On The Web

 

“Fly On The Web”

 

Preface

“Catch up to my campaign, Coupe the colour of Mayonnaise”

2 Chainzzz

 

I just can’t live in this disrespect any longer. Last month I had to watch 64 men labeled greater than me on twitter. 6 fucking 4.. This is stress. I don’t even think 60 of them were 6 ft. tall. How you under 72 inches in stature, confidently carrying the title “great“ dog? I’ll go ahead and relieve you of that responsibility tho. Send your followers to me, I’ll instruct them how to truly BE great. Do you have any idea the new levels of sophisticated ignorance I could elevate this great country to? If the Mac’est of Millers can lead a dedicated following of Tumblr kids to understand, support, and embrace the real life struggles of having a lisp.. I’m sure I can fanute these 140 into a successful MTV reality show, or at the very least an aids cure.

-10k-

 

Its not crazy to think with the dopest blog on the internets ( y’all shit cool too man, but… c’mon.. ) , and the potency of the tweets I put out every day… eventually I’m going to gaze out upon 10k followers. I mean, at this point its pretty much inevitable. But, that moment I ACTUALLY reach 10k followers… Sss. Then, and only then, will I possess the tangible evidence necessary to show my parents I’ve made it. That I no longer need them, their advice, OR their spare room. Guess who won’t be wearing shirts to thanksgiving dinner from here on out… me.. in case you didn’t guess.

 

-100k-

 

The flyer I get on the web I realize it’s not only my right, but my responsibility to stunt on each & every one of you bitches. By the time I reach 100k followers I’ll no longer have the time to individually coach all of you through your K2 addictions. Maintaining a small army of followers isn’t going to be an easy task. I’m going to have to forget some of you exist. Just be lucky I have something to do until I’m rich. If I hit on that lotto like I‘d planned, I wouldn‘t even bless you with my tweets. I’d just be out aimlessly wandering the nation in a retro Jordan getting $300 hand jobs from your aunts.

Of course I got a trill team equally motivated and dedicated to the same goals. They like the G.O.O.D Music Family… You might have heard word of The Freshest of Gangs. The newest faces gracing the twitter elite yearbooks.

@TheKingLesbian

Most likely to play Power Forward in a Pickup game

This bitch really every guys nightmare. Remember the girl you rejected all through middle school because she was an offy? Well, she is now a powerful dyke in a cherry red Mercedes with a matching du rag bro. She really embodies everything these hoes are looking for, and comes equipped with a vagina. How are you going to compete with someone who travels with a Proenza Schouler duffle full of multi-colored dicks? You either pay homage, or invest in washable markers. Your choice.

@TheBreyKeys

Most likely to introduce himself as Ill Will

Brey really the best wingman ever. I think the benefit here is he never realizes he‘s Pau until the games coming to an end, and she hits me with the look even tho I’m being triple teamed. She was probably weighing her options until Brey roll up on foot with a pocket made of Egyptian cotton on his wife beater. That quickly puts things back in perspective for her.

@WilliamsLemar

Most likely to fuck your girl after me

Sometimes its hard being clever, so I steal Lemar’s jokes. Sometimes its hard finding good women, so I steal Le… we’re just gonna move on now.

and then me

Most likely texting your queen while writing this blog. Really tho.

I could never say enough about me, but that’s enough about me.

But, once I reach 500k, the new me, never knew them. We gonna do this real cool. American wedding, Hollywood divorce.

 

-500k-

 

I’m sure at this point some of you will be on twitter still convinced dm’ing dick picks to Canada is the road to international infamy, but I’m gonna be scrolling through 500k followers to find out which girls I want to leave standing in the rain waiting for me. This 500k dog. I’m not sharing bitches with Plies no more.. Na.. Gonna have 2 bad bitches that can prepare my taxes, and lace my shoes the way I like em. I’ma just run through white girl twitter with Mario star power… the government is not going to let a trill young cat with 500k followers get aids from white girl twitter… At this point I’m really a fucking Laker b.

 

-A milli-

 

Never thought we’d be here… spitting champagne on marble floors in Prague… tweeting our net worth with TwitLonger. The only people I’m following now are Zoe Kravitz, and a Will Ferrell parody account. This is what happens… don’t question my actions. Kanye West only follows like 5 people, and not one of them is J. Cole.

Think about it. A million followers b… Jay Z albums a month in advance, young bitches skipping school because I retweet them, and all my tweets are imaginary competitions between celebrities. Don’t act like you haven’t pondered what would have happened if Hov had to foot race MC Hammer to settle the beef. Some people may say I‘m a dreamer.. I tell those people dreamers never sleep. Don’t listen to the doubters, one day you too may be able to write blog’s about a following you don’t possess.

I’m out tho… I got mad important shit I gotta do, like figure out the best way to break it to my girl that im not really @iRespectFemales… Thinking bout just slapping her.

~dugb